To allow into my reality, to acknowledge as what is, to give up shoulding on and just let it be true – because it already is To fricking calm the fuck down about this stuff, to quit panicking, to quit judging, to let go this urgency Help me, because I can’t seem to do this myself I need your love, your guidance, your gifts Here, unpacked and named, is some of what this prayer can mean for me: God, grant me At different times it takes on different nuances. We can say it over and over, thinking about what it means, how it moves us. The prayer asks god to change us, to help us grow beyond whatever we ourselves can muster. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Thank you, Reinhold Niebuhr, for writing this gorgeous prayer for a Sunday service in Heath, MA, in 1943.* You could not have imagined the role it would play in so many lives today. It’s about strengthening our relationship to god and accessing the power that god can channel into our lives. True prayer, as Richard Rohr and others have written, is not about managing the world. The great danger here is that I can feel ignored and get pissed… and turn my back on god. And it doesn’t work! Yes, god may make some related good of my prayers (especially if they’re for others), but it won’t involve my specific bagel. Still, however respectful I may be, I’m backseat-driving the universe. I may think of it as supplication rather than giving god orders. Okay… I turn to prayer: “God, please put this damn life-bagel in the goal-toaster for me. Will I ever get X? Oh my god, does this mean I’ll always be stuck with this crappy Y? What’s that I’m hearing in the rooms? Ask god for help? So it’s only natural that I try a skills approach: I identify the external problems I think are responsible – the people, places, and things I perceive as fucking up my happiness – and try to manage them to suit my needs. Now I need new ways to fix those old pains, but I don’t know it. Great! But fast-forward to the point where that survival tactic has quit working, so I’ve suffered agony at the level of emotional disembowelment, finally become willing, and – with god’s help – gotten sober. Problems arise when we apply this approach to spiritual life: I feel restless, irritable, and discontent, so I gulp down some booze and get what I want – relief. I want it toasted, so I get a knife to slice it and then pop that baby in the toaster. I want a bagel so I open the fridge and get one. We engage our brains and bodies to make shit happen. All day, from the moment we wake, we’re responsible for meeting our own material needs. Whatever works.įear-based prayers are an extension of self – and a very natural one. I may address my lost sister, or guardian angel, or the font of all that lives. I may gab away and cuss and laugh, or I may get on my knees and weep, depending on how I feel. So instead of prayer, I just frickin’ talk to god. You can always find your own pathway to god the important thing is that you seek it with your deepest sincerity. Recently, hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, I jumped in and out of Canada about five times in few seconds, just for fun. That’s like claiming I-5 is the only way to get from Seattle into Canada. It’s amazing how many people assume it does – that spiritual seeking and religion are inseparable. It can call to mind a penitent worshiper hunched over clasped hands in some austere setting – and for the non-religious, that just ain’t us! So I’ve come up with ways to make prayer real to me – since fortunately, religion has no monopoly on access to god. The word prayer repulsed me in early sobriety, and in some ways it’s still glitchy.
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